My story 

its at times like this i wish i had a ghost writer because my brain runs faster than my one finger allows. the beginning of this story comes from the people around me because, luckily, i have no memory of that night.

i  could start with , it was a dark and stormy night, but i thought, no, keep it real. i was 29 years old when my life changed. i hadn’t been around to collect my birthday presents . so my friends eventually called the police to break into my flat . 

they found me lying against a radiator. ( i was burnt down one side of my body ) i don’t know how long i’d been there but my friends say they had been knocking on me for 3 days. 

i don’t want this to sound like a sob story, believe it or not it does get better.

Anyway that was my 29th birthday back in 1991.

I had had a brain haemorrhage. i’m lucky i had a birthday. i’m lucky i had a good friend to care for me. and now,one husband and a hand full of kids, i still live with her.  i have put her through hell , but she never gave up on me.

i went from a normal young working woman into a wheelchair bound woman who could barely speak and had a “ funny “ face . i didn’t recognise myself, and i wasn’t offered any counselling. don’t get me wrong,i had all the “apys “, physiotherapy , speech  therapy occupational therapy etc.

i remember all i wanted to do was to  “ get well “ . one thing the doctor said to my friend was, “ she’ll never be able to sit upright or talk” , well that was like a red rag to a bull. i now self propel myself in my chair ,speech is more difficult but i can make myself understood. after 20years of sitting at home waiting to get “ better “ , i went to a stroke group . it was the best thing i ever did, meeting like minded people   who i didn’t have to be scared of. I’m now 59years old. The best advice i can give someone is don’t be a chump like me go out and grab life no matter what it throws at you. i’m the happiest i’ve ever been i just wish i had done it sooner .

now some 10 operations later, yes ,  believe it or not, i did use to look worse. and i’m sorry to say i’ve become that old woman in the chair. but don’t ignore me there is woman inside.

I have Wondered how to write this, where to start .An old English teacher once told to "write about what you know," a bit difficult when you only know about disability and dogs 🐶.

I would take you out and about with me,but since lockdown I have too scared to go out.

You know I suffer with anxiety,correction everyone else suffers from my anxiety. I get terribly bad tempered and judgemental,yes,me.

Well after alienating everyone in this household,it was suggested that I start a blog,at least the machine doesn’t answer back and I am always right .

I haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety , I think I was just looking for a label . A reason why I behaved the way I do, ohh it’s suddenly gone very deep.

Here is a little story about a dog called  Bloody Heart

It all started when I let the dogs out into the garden. By dogs I mean Esther,she’s a German Shepard,then there’s dolly and her son winston,they’re shitzoo.

Well they were making the usual racket , then it went quiet,a bad sign, I shouted t in, Esther and dolly came, there was a slight whimper from winston.

Winston was on the other side of the gate,crying to be in.(I couldn’t get to him). So I did what any over reacting woman would do , in my dullcide tones, I shouted of our decorator, tony,he came running,he must have thought I was a complete nut job as I screamed to him to let the dog in. ( that poor bloke) .

On letting him in, tony said he had something in his mouth. Then I saw it.

My little dog came into view ,with blood all over his face,carrying what can only be described as a large,rancid,bit of dead animal. Tony said it looked like a heart. Left by Mr Fox, I presume.

So there was Tony, chasing a little dog around the garden ,shouting “ stop a😊😄nd drop “, Esther was chasing Tony with a old ball in her mouth thinking if she makes enough fuss he’d be bound to throw it for her. Dolly was also chasing Winston worrying that she was missing out on a tasty treat.

With the help of a bucket and shovel Tony eventually got the rancid heart off Winston and went back to painting, no, not blood red.

Now this saga is over I have learned one thing,dogs should be trained.

I love this picture.

Please don’t think I’m trying to be little your experience or struggle with Corona Virus. I go to bed terrified and wake terrified. It’s been suggested to me that I try and concentrate on the positive so here a few observations I have made on

Lockdown. 

Lockdown ohh lockdown what does that mean,

Well,here are a few things that I have seen.

Firstly , I know where the children are 24/7,

Anyone who knows us,knows that’s a gift from heaven.

I got to know the kids much better than before,

Keeping up with homework,reading stories, they did it all and more .

We started a quiz team, and even played some board games,

Mutual respect and togetherness was our only aim.

We had young people looking after the old.

We had a shortage of toilet roll, meaning,one per household.

Phoning old friend and relatives you’d forgotten you had,

You see life in lockdown wasn’t so bad .

It’s like the run up to Christmas ,all working towards a common goal,

To rid the world of covert-19 once and for all.

Now Boris claims it’s over, as from June the 1st,

 the schools will re-open and if you can go back to work .

I think Boris is stuck somewhere between a rock and a hard place .

Some people think he’s a mug,

but all I’m really missing is a great big hug.

Here is a one I wrote for a girl with a spider phobia and a thing about wanting all spiders dead,
SPIDERS 

I killed a rather leggy spider today.

My chest puffed out,I was so proud ,

(Whisper) I'm scared of spiders but I don't like saying it out loud.

At first I whacked it with the heel of my shoe,

Then I threw it unceremoniously down the loo.

At first I was proud but then the guilt set in,

It might be someone's  ' brother or sister,it may be someone's mum or dad,

But thinking like that,it just makes me more sad .

So the next time you see a spider, don't squash it willy nilly.

I'm not asking you  to make it a pet,that would be silly.

Just spare a thought for the little spider  going on it's way,

And be happy in the knowledge you kept a family together today.

I wrote this poem some time ago

25 years  

On the 22 nd of February it's my birthday,

a cause for celebration I hear you say,

I would but for one little joke,

on this day 25 years ago I had a stroke .

I was quite lucky you see, they found me because I didn't go around for tea.

I wish you could be me for a day, and see what it's all about,

with good people around me , they have helped no doubt.

Having to re Learn everything, from washing,writing and speaking aswell,

I don't mind telling you, I went through hell.

I still can't speak properly and with a pen I can't write,

but don't worry about me,I'm doing alright.

I've had all the therapy some of it good,

but it just left me wondering just where I stood.

So, I joined a Stroke group I've been going for 2years maybe 3 ,

their total lack of judgment helped me find the real me.

No longer am I the woman in the wheelchair with the lop-sided face,

Instead they let me come to terms with stuff at my own pace.

25years gone in a flash,while I sat and waited to be "better ",

don't get me wrong, I was no go-getter,

always was quite quiet and shy you see,

without the good people all around me ,who knows where I be.e poem.its my way of saying thank you to all the people who have been there for me.

It's meant to stop others from sitting at home for years,the way I did.

So do with it what ever you want 

Sent from my iPad

Night visitors 

Picture this, it's 2:15am, I am sound asleep, I am suddenly woken by a loud noise, I reach to turn on my light,it wasn't there . ( it's battery operated so moves around). Now anyone who knows me, knows my eyes aren't the best.

Well anyhow, I saw a large black figure coming towards my bed.my heart was in my mouth. I couldn't shout of Kirsty’s

 ,(she is in the room above.) she was working night shift. Corey is away having his first week at university. And al Paula's husband is  anyway.

Bering in mind, this has all happened in minutes. 

She finally climbed onto my bed. It was my German Shepard , ester, I didn't know wether to kill or kiss her, when I had calmed down enough I was pleased to see her.

It was the first time she had come into my room during the night so, as cramped as it was on my little bed, I decided she could stay, well the truth is she had me pinned to my bed so I didn't really have a choice.

Shorty dolly, my little Shih Tzu decided to join her . That was fine until winston her puppy decided to bark because he couldn't get onto the bed , he decided to take a run at it , he walked backward straight onto my radio, which subsequently came on,(that'll teach me to leave it on the floor). So add into the mix one blaring radio.

I eventually got into my wheelchair and used treats to get the disobedient dogs out of my room, it worked the 3rd time(there's a lot to be said for puppy training ).

I locked my door and eventually got back into bed at 3am only then I realised I wanted the toilet but then I heard the dogs outside my bedroom and decided the bathroom can wait.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs dearly, but not at 2:15. In the morning.